


Don't Forget I Was Your First

by amyponders



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst, Angst and Feels, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Brothers, Canon Disabled Character, Canon Related, Canon Universe, Cheating, Crushes, Cuckolding, Denial of Feelings, Disability, Disabled Character, Drunken Flirting, Drunken Kissing, Drunkenness, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Feelings Realization, Feels, First Crush, First Love, Flirting, Forbidden Love, Guilt, Hurt, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Summaries, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Ivar (Vikings) is a Little Shit, Jealous Ivar (Vikings), Jealousy, Kissing, Light Angst, Love, Love Triangles, Love/Hate, Mild Sexual Content, Multi, Past Relationship(s), Physical Disability, Possessive Ivar (Vikings), Pregnancy, Reader-Insert, Relationship(s), Resolved Sexual Tension, Secret Crush, Sexual Dysfunction, Sexual Tension, Sibling Rivalry, Sneaking Around, This was supposed to be a drabble, Unhealthy Relationships, Vikings, i got carried away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:34:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24001429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amyponders/pseuds/amyponders
Summary: After too many cups of ale, Ivar and his brothers start questioning you about your first love, unaware of the fact that he's right there sitting among you.
Relationships: Hvitserk (Vikings)/Reader, Hvitserk (Vikings)/You, Hvitserk/Ivar (Vikings)/You, Ivar (Vikings)/Reader, Ivar (Vikings)/You
Comments: 10
Kudos: 76





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with more love for this cocky dumbass called Hvitserk. I'm convinced that if I keep writing about him somehow one day I'll will him into existence lmao
> 
> Shout out to my lovely new beta RuinedPromise21. You're amazing 💕

[Spotify Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7oPnAnQfx68IS8RkAkxyPW?si=-LWt3poWRjW-MVGB-GRlFA)

“Come on, Y/N! You have to tell us!” Ubbe tried to convince you to no avail.

“Yes! Do it!” You heard Bjørn join the chorus of voices teasing you.

You took another sip from your horn and looked at Ivar quizzically. “Why are you so interested in this, my love? I mean, what does it even matter? I am with you now.” You asked him appalled at his insistence.

You were gathered together with your future husband and his brothers in the kitchen, tasting a new shipment of ale that King Harald had brought as a tribute. Or at least that's how your reunion had begun. But you’d collectively downed two barrels of the good stuff and at this point, it felt more like an improvised celebration for your upcoming wedding to Ivar than anything else.

You were notoriously loose-lipped when you got drunk, so you somehow suspected Ivar had encouraged you to keep drinking on purpose, putting horn after horn of ale in your hand, and bombarding you with questions you never wanted to answer when it was just the two of you. You were all sliding into drunk territory really fast, but you had to admit their tolerance was way higher than yours, which explained why your face was by far the reddest.

“We all said who was our first. Now it’s your turn!” Ubbe nudged you.

“See… that’s not fair because I don’t know any of these women you mentioned and you… well…” You stopped talking abruptly.

“And you what?” Sigurd asked mischievously.

“That’s not true. You know Margrethe.” Ubbe smirked.

“Wait a second. Shut up, brother. What does that mean, Y/N?” Sigurd put a hand on Ubbe’s chest as if to stop him from talking any further. “Does that mean we  _ know  _ who this man is?” Sigurd continued teasing you.

Everything from your ears to your nose and cheeks turned scarlet and you took another sip. Somehow Ivar was still smiling casually. It wasn’t an overt gesture of happiness but he wasn’t filled with contempt either and that let you know that whatever feelings of jealousy he had, he was containing them beneath layers and layers of curiosity. His desire to know was bigger than his desire to not get hurt by the knowledge of who’d been the first man in your life. Even if - quite frankly - you couldn't tell why he was so keen on finding out.

“Maybe…” You said looking to the side.

The fact that Hvitserk was notoriously quiet all of a sudden only exacerbated your self-consciousness. He took a small sip from his horn and bit his reddish lips painstakingly slow, his mouth breaking into a sly side smile. You thought you saw Ivar eye him furtively but at this point, when shapes and forms were starting to become a little blurred, your eyes could have well been deceiving you.

“Aha! Then that narrows it down. You barely spend any time outside this house.” Bjørn’s voice boomed through the kitchen room as he gestured with his arms. He became much more loud and outgoing whenever he had a few pints of ale.

“And when you were a thrall, you went out even less so it has to be someone from this household or very close by. Isn’t that right?” Sigurd observed and your nervousness threatened to betray you.

At that moment, your horn slipped from your hands in an involuntary tremble and you felt mortified by their incisive stares. You weren’t used to being the center of attention of anybody, least of all five handsome princes. You still had a hard time believing Ivar had fallen deeply enough to free you and ask you to be his wife.

“We’re getting closer, guys.” Ubbe said joyfully.

“Was it one of dad’s soldiers?” Sigurd asked.

“No, I would’ve known.” Bjørn reasoned. “I spent all my time with them and I knew of every woman they bedded.”

“Maybe the butcher? Or one of the smiths? I hear many girls fawning over the new apprentice they have.” Sigurd explained and rolled his eyes.

“What? No! No! Please, just change the subject.” Your mouth burst into vocal protests that they steadily ignored.

“The shoemaker?” The eldest son of Aslaug asked. “That man was notorious for sleeping around.”

“Who do you take me for, Ubbe?! A common whore?” The blush on your cheeks was persistent. “What does it  _ matter _ ?” You dragged on the last word. “Just... some guy.”

“Did you love him? Perhaps you had an intense affair and it ended badly… and that’s why you don’t want to mention his name anymore.” Bjørn threw a random idea in the air which - worryingly enough - wasn’t that far off from the truth.

“Was he… important to you, Y/N?” Ubbe’s voice took on a rather concerned tone.

Something told you he would make his brothers shut up and drop the subject if you gave him a slight signal that you were actually uncomfortable. He picked up on your moods way quicker than Ivar - or everyone else - did for that matter.

You knew that whatever answer you gave would eventually be used against you by one brother or another and so panic was creeping over you slowly. You inhaled and closed your eyes while pressing your lips together in a gesture they interpreted as meaning ‘yes’.

“Well, I have to know what I’ll be measured against, my love. Speak!” Ivar urged you.

“Nothing to do with wanting to stick a long spear through his skull, of course not.” Bjørn observed mockingly and Ivar smirked.

“Not at all.” He played innocent and you fell for it momentarily. “Blood-eagling is more my style.” He announced and you swallowed anxiously. “Come on Y/N, just say it.” He kept opening and closing his fist on top of the table rhythmically.

You looked from one brother to another until you reached Ubbe’s brilliant blue eyes in the crowd of expectant gazes. Your eyebrows creased ever so slightly, your breathing turned shallow and your pupils dilated to the brim. Somehow he got the message.

“Alright, boys. That’s enough. She doesn’t want to share, so I guess we’ll just have to keep on making up stories forever.” He stood up chuckling and took everyone’s horns to pour the remaining ale on the ground. “It’s late anyway and tomorrow we have to start preparing the Great Hall for the ceremony that’s approaching.” He suddenly sounded all business.

The brothers all groaned and started scattering around. Ivar was the last one to leave. He grabbed his metal crutch and limped toward the threshold leisurely. “I’ll wait for you to come to our bed, my love.” He let you know in a calm voice and you nodded.

When everyone was gone you looked up at Ubbe who was still unhurriedly tidying up around the kitchen. More than anything he was making sure his brothers had truly dispersed before leaving you alone and you knew it.

“Thank you.” You said in a faint voice.

He nodded in acknowledgment. “Forgive us, I didn’t know this was a sensitive topic for you. We were just having a bit of fun.” He kissed your forehead affectionately and made his way out of the kitchen.

You sighed a prolonged sigh, glad that it was finally over. A heavy silence echoed through the halls of the house. You tried to head for the door but something impeded your exit. Or rather,  _ someone. _


	2. Chapter 2

“Don’t tell me you’re embarrassed to admit it was me.”

You ran headfirst into his chest. “Hvitserk!” You drew in your breath sharply. “You scared me!”

“I was disappointed when you didn’t mention my name.” The blond continued talking, ignoring your remark.

You tried to swallow but your throat was parched. “What was I supposed to do?”

“Let my brothers know who rocked your world, darling.” His lips curled up in a self-assured grin.

“That’s a bad idea. I-I don’t think Ivar ever needs to find out.” You avoided looking him in the eye.

Instead, you tried to elude him but he blocked your exit with his arm glued to the doorframe. You quickly tried to duck and scurry away again but he lowered his arm in a reflex.

“We can keep doing this all night.” He announced.

You looked up at Hvitserk as his eyes traced down your face with an expression halfway between teasing and amused. You were at his mercy and you were both terribly aware.

“I mean, he suspects it already. Did you see the way he looked at me when he saw me smiling?” He retook the previous subject, a sort of elation coating his voice. Hvitserk’s dark desire to eclipse his brother had always been a constant source of motivation.

Your head tilted to the side in astonishment at his lack of concern. “You truly don’t care, do you?” 

One day his self-destructive tendencies were going to catch up to him. You just hoped you weren’t there to witness it. He could use a sane voice guiding his actions. For a long time, that voice had been you, but not anymore.

He shrugged unabashedly. “I just think this could work out in your favor.”

“How so?”

There was a thin shimmer of sweat covering your forehead that you were positive he noticed. Even your hands were sweating. You hated how much power he still had over you. The moment you thought you were over him, he found a new way to creep back into your thoughts. 

Some days he would casually brush his hand against yours as he passed you by in the hallway. When you were near, he’d change his voice to that low purr he knew weakened your knees or even wink at you when no one else was watching. And you despised him for it. After all, he’d been the one to ruin your relationship. So what gave him the right to provoke you like that?

After months of seeing you in secret, he’d started fooling around with a few shieldmaidens behind your back, perhaps unaware of the fact that some of them were your friends. The amount of strength it took for you to keep a collected face as you sat down with your girlfriends one afternoon and heard them gush on their escapades with the blond hedonistic prince had been nothing short of heroic. 

You’d giggled and pretended to be excited for them when in reality your heart had turned to dust inside your chest in merely an instant. You’d given him all. He’d been your first everything: first kiss, first love, first man to touch your body, first heartbreak, and it had all been for _ nothing.  _ He’d only made a fool out of you.

“Well, I’m sure you know by now that Ivar’s prick doesn’t work. So, him finding out about us could kickstart that seething rage within -” His brow furrowed derisively as he gestured to his stomach with his thumb. “- and maybe help him accomplish  _ something  _ out of sheer will.” Hvitserk ridiculed his younger brother as if he were sure that nothing could ever fix Ivar’s situation.

Of course, you’d heard the rumors about Ivar’s impotence and he’d been reticent to actually let you attempt anything else beyond kissing and some occasional fondling but you loved him regardless.

“And I’m sure you’re aware that’s not the only way to please a woman.”

“Of course not.  _ You know  _ I know plenty about that…” He stuck his chin in the air and took in the whole of your body in a rather indecent way. “But if he ever says he will put a child inside your belly - ” Hvitserk poked your stomach lightly. “- well, then, I suggest you don’t hold on to false promises.”

“Thanks for your concern, Hvitserk but we’ll figure that out… together. I’m not leaving him. I… I love him.” Maybe it was the ale strengthening you, but you found the courage to look him in the eye while you said it.

Hvitserk stared at you in silence. His blank aloof expression didn’t let you figure out what he was thinking. Another reason you despised him so much was how good he was at masquerading his feelings, especially when he was hurt, something you never succeeded at, no matter how hard you tried.

“And he loves me back. That will suffice.” Your eyelashes fluttered timidly.

“I disagree.” He licked his lips, his tongue twirling along their length. His mouth gleamed and beckoned you. “When has Ivar thought about anyone but himself? I’m just warning you of what lies ahead.” He chuckled lowly.

“Well, consider me warned.” You let him know abruptly. This subject was making you very uncomfortable and he was the last person you wanted to discuss it with. “Can I please go now?”

“Not quite yet.” His eyes flickered even in the relative darkness of the room. “What are you giving me in exchange for my silence?” The suggestiveness in his tone was more than bold, it was impertinent.

“Excuse me?” Your eyebrows shot up at his audacity.

“You know very well I could go around telling everybody that the future queen-to-be used to belong to another Prince of Kattegat.” He leaned forward and whispered in your ear, the slight warm breeze of his breath against your neck raised all the hairs in your skin.

Hvitserk pulled back and looked at you with heavy eyelids. His thumb trailed along your jawline waiting for your response. This didn’t sound like something he would do. But you didn’t want to take your chances either.

“What d-do you want?”

“Just a kiss.”

“A k-kiss?” Your voice wouldn’t stop faltering.

“Surely, you won’t deny me that. For old times’ sake.” His voice was warm and soothing, barely above a whisper.

You had him so close and at the same time not close enough. You didn’t want to take the next step and Hvitserk sensed it so he leaned in and hovered above your face, still not close enough for your lips to touch. The seconds dragged on painfully slowly as he savored how edgy you became. 

The way he read your body language so perfectly left you open and vulnerable. You knew very well what he was doing; it was a favorite trick of his. One he employed to drive you crazy once upon a time. And judging by the loud drumming of your heart inside your ears, his way of teasing you still had the same effect.

He grabbed your face with both hands and when his mouth finally touched yours, you were transported to the many nights spent underneath his incandescent eyes - the ones that used to own your very soul - when his lips and teeth used to devour your skin, and his hands possessed your body down to every fiber of your being. 

His tongue slid across your wet lips and you quickly parted your mouth to feel it inside your mouth for the last time. Hearing his voice rumbling deep within his chest as he moaned into the kiss sent your emotions spiraling over the edge. His voice truly was your favorite sound in the world and you were so painfully not over him.

Hvitserk pulled back with a smug expression plastered across his ethereal features. You hated him! Gods, how you hated him and his stupid beautiful face.

He tutted you softly and said: “This was but a test, my love. And you failed. I’m insulted you’d so easily believe I would betray you again. I would never tell Ivar what happened between us, Y/N.” His eyes were earnest, even if his smile was insolent and every bit as infuriating as it had always been. 

It was worthless now, but hearing him acknowledge his previous betrayal told you he wasn’t that lacking in self-awareness as you’d once thought.

Hvitserk moved to stand next to you and he lowered his head to utter in your ear: “Just don’t forget I was your first.”


	3. Chapter 3

The sound of your back hitting the wooden wall of the throne room was the only sound disturbing the peaceful autumn night. It wasn't long before your moans followed the crisp rustle of the rich fabric of your dress. Hvitserk’s expert hands searched for his favorite place on your body with haste. He could play you like a fiddle in his sleep. He knew exactly how to touch you to make you come undone in no time. 

“Shhh. Do you want… Ivar... to find out who is making you... scream so good? Because I sure would... but if he does... he would murder me... And I cannot do this if I am dead...” He spoke between hurried pauses as he kissed you over and over, his tongue brashly assaulting your mouth and fighting to once again claim you as his own.

You’d tried to resist him for months after you and Ivar were wed but braving his advances was never your strong suit. Nor your preferred activity either. You hated how sullied it made you feel, but you loved succumbing to him even more, so you always purposefully lost that battle. 

Hvitserk knew the pathway into your heart and into your sex so well precisely because he had been the one to first uncover it. There was no place inside your body or your soul that he hadn’t touched already. Everything you were, would be and had ever been reeked of him.

He slid his wet lips down your jawline and across the pulsating vein in your neck. His teeth grabbed hold of a piece of your skin and he sucked on it until you whimpered from the pain. Then his head dropped lower to your breasts and he ripped open the laces in the front of your corset with his frenzied fingers to continue his delicious abuse on your skin. 

You were not surprised to find out with the moonlight’s help how the love bites turned purple in no time, marking you as his possession. You would have to put some extra effort into your makeup tomorrow to make sure Ivar wouldn’t notice.

“And I have a feeling you can’t live without my mouth on your body, now can you?”

“N-no.”

“Then keep quiet, my sweet Y/N.”

“Why did you bring me here, Hvitserk?”

“To the throne room?” He laughed openly.

“Y-yes. Yes.” Even you couldn’t tell if your answer was in pleasure or in response to his question. It was so hard to try and keep your mind straight when he was sucking your skin and squeezing your sides with his fingers while igniting every nerve on his journey down.

“Because I want to have you here, exactly where you sit every day next to my brother pretending that you are over me. I want you to remember tomorrow... how I made you breathless... under my touch. How your body... kept imploring me to touch it, to ravage it. I want you to be... unbearably aware that no matter what Ivar claims... you’ve never stopped being mine.”

While Hvitserk muttered he kept working you under the cover of your skirt and your knees buckled with the weight of your inevitable sweet release which painted a self-satisfied grin on his lips. He’d done it again.

“We can’t- we can’t keep doing this, Hvit.” You panted while you tried to come down from your high. You brought your own shaky hand across your forehead to wipe off the layer of sweat covering it.

“Sure we can. We are doing it now. I’m not done with you just yet.”

“You- you know what I mean. It’s not fair.”

“To whom?”

“To Ivar.”

“To hell with him.”

“Hvitserk.” Your eyelids were heavy but your tone made your plea come across clearly.

“Yes, my love?”

Your heart skipped a beat whenever his mellow voice vibrated against your ear like that.

“I think I am with child.”

“Oh, I know.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know you have not bled for 3 moons. And your body feels different.” Hvitserk slid his hands over your abdomen. “Your belly is swollen. Your breasts are heavier... You are fighting me less.” 

He smirked right before he kissed and licked the hot place behind your ear. His teeth bit your earlobe and you moaned unwillingly. He was right. Lately, you surrendered more easily to the pleasure that his body gave you precisely because you wanted him inside you at all times.

“You kept track?”

“How could I not? This baby is mine.”

He stopped fooling around to look into your eyes. His fingers grabbed both sides of your face to let you know how serious he was.

“I know.” Your eyebrows crinkled with your confession. There was no way your child was Ivar’s.

“So my brother truly can’t-?”

“No… We’ve  _ tried _ some things but he can never hold on for long enough.”

Hvitserk chuckled and you hit him on the chest lightly. “Don’t laugh, please.” You never enjoyed how quick he was to mock Ivar.

“Can’t I be happy to know that he’s never really had you? Not like I have.” Hvitserk’s hands palmed your ass and you didn’t fight his rough touch in the slightest. 

His expression went beyond lust, it was a ravenous hunger mixed with deep-seated jealousy that made your heart thud and contract deliciously. You could deny it in shame all you wanted, but you both knew how much you craved Hvitserk’s deepest desires for you. You thrived on them.

“But Hvit, I’m worried.”

“About what, darling girl?” His green eyes looked a muddy grey under the silver moonlight that slipped between the cracks of the wooden walls.

“Well, how are we going to convince him that the baby is his?”

“Leave that to me.” Hvitserk smirked after a while. “My brother is quite… gullible if you know just what to say.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can pay someone to whisper a few words about prophecy in his ear.” Hvitserk leaned into your neck again and mimicked the action sending shivers down your spine. “Should not be an issue if we mention the gods and destiny and all the things he likes to hear about to soothe his broken ego.” He chuckled and the vibration made you shudder. 

It was low and despicable but the thought of getting away with it and still have Hvitserk quietly slipping into your bed for all the years to come made you yearn in anticipation. You were never more satisfied as you were in that intoxicating lull he left you after his teeth and hands tore you to pieces. 

Despite having voiced how you wanted to stop the affair mere seconds ago, you knew you could not quit Hvitserk. All your nights together ended like this, with you feeling guilty and him reassuring you while he peppered kisses all over you and you always sought him again because if there was something you needed more than air itself, it was Hvitserk.

“It would be cruel.”

“And necessary.”

“But what if he finds out?”

“He won’t. Nobody is getting between us, Y/N. Not even me. And least of all Ivar. Not this time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was re-reading this recently and I was like: there's nooooooo way she didn't go back to Hvitserk's so I wrote this chapter lmao

**Author's Note:**

> Look me up on Tumblr! deans-ch-ch-cherrypie.tumblr.com
> 
> In case you want to support me: https://ko-fi.com/amyponders


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